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[personal profile] radfrac_archive
(Warning: someone telling you about that dream they had)

I'm in a fancy hotel and they're saying the giant is coming. This has happened before -- in the dream I know this is a recurring experience, an episode that replays. I know how it works, and I know it will be a good thing, yet I'm afraid to see the giant.

I'm hiding upstairs in the dark lounge, which has a balcony overlooking the atrium. I'm hiding from seeing the giant (not from being seen by him) in an almost self-indulgent way, delaying the gratification of the moment when I do see him and it's actually a good thing. As a distraction, I'm trying to watch an educational multimedia piece about Pluto, on an apparatus built into the table (kidney-shaped, dark glass), but it's loud and I can't mute the sound and I'm embarrassed. I minimize how big the giant will be. He probably won't be that big. Just big enough to be a giant.

Footsteps vibrate the earth (see T-Rex in Jurassic Etc). The giant is coming. (Outside in the real world, the storm shakes my little house.)

The giant does come, and he's huge. Just his head is visible going by. His head must be six feet across. He looks like a National Geographic mock-up of early homo sapiens. He doesn't speak. He looks straight ahead and walks smoothly and carefully through the hotel. Then he's gone. Now I chase after to finally meet him.

I go down a back stairway and there's a crowd outside. Among them is a young woman who's sad -- she knows the giant, or is his friend or counterpart somehow, his wife. So I bring her inside.

I take her upstairs to an apartment with my family and friends. Now she's a baby or toddler crawling all over the beds, but there's something creepy about her -- she's got these weird goggles on.

She becomes a grown woman and for a while we're being pleasant but finally I blurt out that I can tell she hates me and wants to destroy me. This delights her. It is true, but she is doing it through psychological warfare -- isolating and alienating me and keeping me away from the giant.

I'm going to call her the monster now because she's the monster of this dream. She's like one of those undefeatable arch-villains who always know what you will do next because, well, she's a part of your own psyche, isn't she.

She is, I think, competing with me to be the partner of the silent giant.

I think about who can help me, and the name of a friend flashes up, so I go to find her in the kitchen, but she's with her mother and they're busy with something oppressive to do with diets and charts, something obsessing, so I wait and the monster is sort of flitting around happily because she knows I'm helpless to oppose her.

So I go down the hall and find a group of my friends sitting in the dark watching TV and I try to explain what's happening, but they're not really paying attention -- they're hypnotized by the TV. I ask them for "wards", for words that will ward me from her power. Someone sort of passively gives me the word "ward" (thanks, kids) so I say it over and over and make a sort of shield around myself of the word written in blue light, but it isn't very effective and I know she can still get through. It was given me by someone with characteristics a little like the monster (or anyway someone sort of annoying) and I'm not sure it will work at all.

About there I wake up. I walk around my little house. No monster, no giant. I'm not afraid, but I wish my psyche had come to a cleaner resolution.

Allow monster and giant to merge into one being? Accept monster and giant as complementary parts of myself? It is not quite five in the morning and the proper symbolism eludes me, but I wanted to make a record. And now I have. Thanks for your time.


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